And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
