And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
