she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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