just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up under a house in Key West
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