You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
