need another drink. this is the easiest way
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
