I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
