Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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