I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
