Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Randomize
