you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
