i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
