im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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