just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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