So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
