Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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