I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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