She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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