I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I believe in your delicious
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
