my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I died a long time ago.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
