Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize