You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
