Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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