her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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