I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
