I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
