the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
