Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
