Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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