True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
