Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
