I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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