He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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