And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
