oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
