I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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