If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
