I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
