Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
