remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
