did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
