This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
