The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
