Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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