Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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