I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
