I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
