I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
