don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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