Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
