im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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