nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
