I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
