I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
