hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sarcasm needs its own font
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
