If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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