i think my tv is drunk
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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