My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
