Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
