i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
