ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I will be naked everywhere
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
