Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
