the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
