I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
