i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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