i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
