I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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