I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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