if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize