i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
