So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
