You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
