I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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