Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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