she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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