i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
