I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
