i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
