i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
