Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
