I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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