I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
