so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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