great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
