...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize