HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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