So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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