I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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